I feel so empty and alone.

How long can this go on?

I'm so cold.

She has her.

He has him.

She has him.

He has her.

They have them.

I have it.

A monster outsiders look down upon.

But it makes me feel something other than alone.

I guess that monster is my friend, my only friend.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

An all too familiar taste.
An all too familiar puzzle.
An all too familiar lie.
You tricked me this time.
It will not happen again.

You said I was your favorite.

I remember you.
Like you are still here.
I remember your laugh.
Like you are still laughing.
I remember your voice.
Like you are still speaking.

I miss when you would run your fingers through my hair.
I miss when you would hold me close as you watched my hopes tear.
I miss when you would drive me in your car.
When you would tell me I was the best by far.

The smell of cigarettes still reminds me of you.
I breathe deeply remembering our long walks without shoes.

I wish you would call.
Say hello, act like you cared.
I wish you would come.
Just to see me, like you said you would.

I understand.
Times are hard.
You are falling asleep.
You have been gone a while.
But don’t leave forever.

You don’t realize how much you meant to me.

How much you mean to me.

Ashes ashes we all fall down ...

I am holding on as best as I can. I am trying to cure myself. I'm afraid though. I can feel the fog rolling back in, thick and toxic. It seems as if when one storm has passed another comes. I need to grip on, I need to hang on tight. But my fingers are slipping. I am going to fall, will someone be there to catch me?

Pieces of a project, just a project.

What if all the wind stopped?
What if the earth never shook?
Would you think it dull?
What if the waves became calm?
If the earth rested in serenity,
Would you stay?
Would you learn to live?
Would you let yourself die?
If time stopped would you cry?
Would you crumble and fall?
Would you moan in despair?
If everything was dark
Shut off
Closed
And we were alone,
Just you and I,
Would I be enough for you?

I can't breath.

I can't breath.

I can't breath.

My ribs are being crushed.
My lungs are being filled.

I can't breath.

And I Cringe

Scarlet upon the purest white.
Maroon thread interwoven through the silk cloth.
Passionate red splattered across the newly fallen snow.
The rubies fall from everywhere.
Fascinating and pleasing to the eye.
Rich in pain and comfort.
Overflowing with contrasting sensations.
It stings the skin but relieves the heart.
Look deeply into the color.
It expresses something new each time.
Something dying to be found.
Something dying to be understood.

Tell me I am a mistake.
Tell me I am a failure.
Tell me I am weak.
Tell me you were wrong about me.
Tell me you never want to see me again.
Tell me I am a let down.
Tell me I am not good enough.
Tell me what is going on.
Tell me nothing lasts forever.

I don't want to loose you.


I don't want to hear these things.


But it doesn't matter what I want.


If it's what you want.


Just tell me.

Quadrilateral

Once something I loved is something I now despise.
Once you were all that I wanted, now I don't even try.
I see you who you truly are now.
Selfish and rude.
Unforgiving and dull.
Put away your hateful glances.
There is no such thing as real second chances.
You say you care.
But you really don't.
You enjoy me laughing and joking.
You enjoy the facade that I flaunt around.
Fuck all the games.
Fuck all the lies.
To hell with what I used to be.
Or what you hoped was me.
I'm sorry to disappoint,
I know, I'm a let down.
Sucking you into my lie was wrong.
I was a mistake from the start.
I'm sorry I led you into my life.
You were blind, I know.
I should have closed down the show.
Right now it is ending.
I'm taking my final bow.
I'll miss what we had dearly.
Love your friend, sincerely.

Eyes As Deep As The Sea

She sits alone away from the others.
She feels alone she's not like another.
Deep and passionate, yet misunderstood.
Strong and stoic, she stands tall, like she should.
But hidden away from the unkind glances.
Her woe and sorrow twirls and dances.
Each action possesses a different story.
With her words she tries to wipe away her glory.
She rests on a boulder.
She hangs her shoulders.
She cries as she watches the tides.
In them she confides.
She is the water.
She is the current.
The rolling seas are her tears.
The ocean understands her fears.

She laughs

She laughs at me, she does. She laughs as I wither and fall. She chuckles as I quiver and scream. She finds it comical, she finds me comical. She gets her pleasure out of watching me slowly sink. It's all a joke to her, it's all a game. I am merely another player. I am fully engrossed in the game, my body, my mind, even my soul. I'm just like all the others she has hypnotized to partake in her cynical play. As I struggle and stumble across the board she giggles and squirms. She laughs at me, she does.

Let it sink in, let it distract me.

I'm afraid of my feelings.
I'm afraid of my thoughts.
I'm afraid of what you're bringing.
I'm afraid of what you've wrought.
You'll never know how much you mean to me.
You'll never know how much I wish you could see.
I don't understand this.
Why are my thoughts so amiss?
I don't understand you.
These feelings aren't too new.
Yet they differ from anything else.
You differ from everyone else.
I'm worried I am pushing you away.
I'm worried you'll run and never stay.
I hate that you do this to me.
I hate knowing that I will have to pay the fee.
I know I'm the last person on your mind.
I know that you will always be only kind.
But a dreamer can dream.
Even if that dream is out of reach.

I See My Truth

I have given up on people, but I wonder about you.
You seem to understand me, you say you can see through.
If you do know me from the outside in.
You know I can not stop my sins.
Weak people never win.
We always fall.
We may seem strong but we really are just small.
You can try to help me save my life.
But no matter what you say it will end in strife.
I am sorry I make you suffer.
Maybe I’m making excuses, sometimes I don’t want to recover.
I don’t understand what you say.
I don’t see what you see.
Where you see beauty I see failure.
Where you see love I see hate.
My eyes are blind, my ears are shut.
Never to be open again, nothing you say will be enough.
You may think me stubborn, pigheaded, and rude.
But I am none of these things.
I see my truth.

Okay..

We sat there staring off into the distance, a blank wall, both consumed in our own thoughts, hardly noticing we were in each other’s presence. She turned to me suddenly as if a ghost tapped her shoulder to awake her from her heavy thoughts. She stared at me for a while thinking I didn’t notice, but I did. I tried to remain pensive but I could feel her dark eyes on me, so I turned to face her. We simply stared into each other’s eyes, I began to see something that I had never noticed before. Her eye’s told a story. I didn’t know what the story was at the time, but I knew this story did not have a happy ending, much like mine. Her eyes were doleful and melancholy, they seemed to swim in sadness. “It’s going to be okay, you know?”, she said to me. I knew she was wrong, but she believed it. She believed that everything was going to be okay. She reached out to grab my hand, I thought about pulling it away, but I didn’t. She just held my hand as we sat there in silence. “It’s all going to be okay.”

Your attempts will all be in vain.

Some try to remove the thorns from the rose.
But I believe the rose is not complete without it's thorns.

Darkness

The darkness engulfs me.
It surrounds me.
Mischief sparking right and left.
Cries of pain, drunken laughs, and passionate moans fill the air.
Voices in my head whisper muffled gibberish.
The darkness, a time in which men kind thrive.
Where sadness is easily found and one is easily lost.
Drifting into a fantasy, away from the black.
Breath in and out, in and out, in and out.
The darkness, the wind whistles and coos making a grand symphony of noises.
Wolves run and howl, looking to the moon for their comfort.
Stars in the sky dance in sparkling clothes daring us to try.
The darkness, secrets are whispered from your mouth to my ear.
Flying colors fill the heads of forgotten souls.
Eyes roll back in the heads of pleasure hungry men.
The darkness, my mind wonders into the deep abyss.
My tears and blood flow down my body, yet I smile.
The darkness engulfs me.
It surrounds me.

Chirp Like the Crickets

Looking down upon the empty canyon.
It beckons me to come down.
It whispers words of want,
Yet expresses my deepest sorrow.
The stars are above me,
The crickets are chirping.
The songs of a thousand years fill my ears.
Ever green, forever.
Will my soul last forever?
I see sorrow in your eyes, as well.
Will you run away with me?
Will you join me, wherever we end up?
We can follow the fireflies and rest in the clouds.
We can dance in the meadows and bathe in the rainbows.
We can create reasons to smile,
And hold one another when we are sad.
Our tears will heal each other's wounds.
We can become free.
I will sing and whistle with the wind.
Will you sing along?
I will flow with the current.
Will you flow along?
A difficult choice.
A thought provoking piece.
We can chirp like the crickets.
Or we could simply sleep.

Taunt, Haunt, Break, Take

You taunt me
You haunt me
You break me
You take me
Let me go
Let me leave
I need to run
I need to flee
You have control
I lost it long ago
You have taken your toll
My mind has fallen into a lull
I can’t handle much more
I’m slowly disintegrating
I’m slowly melting away
I’m becoming just like the others
This is what you do
This is how you thrive
This is what you need
This is how you survive
You taunt
You haunt
You break
You take
A vicious cycle
Will it ever stop?

When my vision blurs and all I hear is the ring of silence in my ears, that is when it comes. Haunting me with it's sweet melodic tone while whispering poison into my ears. I do not understand it nor what it is. Why does it choose to torment me? But then again, maybe it's not a matter of it, but who. Maybe that who is me.