I say I want to to die, I say that death is so appealing, but once faced with it, I realize that I don’t want to die. I’m not ready for death, I want to be alive. I want to feel alive again, but I want darkness too. I want my addictions, I want my sins, therefore I want darkness. Is that right? I don’t really know what I want exactly. But I do know that I don’t want to dream of death anymore. I’m not ready yet.