The Going On

I just kept going, I just kept treading

But I went on dreading the going on.

I felt numb to the point of insanity,

Apathetic to the point of psychopathy.

While along the going I met my vice

Then fell tragically subject to the maggots and lice.

Their seductive whispers I couldn't resist.

I craved the pain, became a masochist

My will to live became dangerously tame,

I ignored the repercussions, I forgot shame.

I lived a year developing pseudo-antipathy.

I lived a year fearing all of humanity.

But a being can only sleep awake for so long.

Before the night is up our souls will interrupt.

And at this time some may steal their curious glances.

Consider them the cowards, they will refuse to take chances.

To their dismay throwing stones will not suffice,

For human beings aren't made of ice.

They may try to bind and control but I will resist.

This is my war to fight and my choice to enlist.

I'll set their hate on fire and watch their judgements disinegrate.

I'll continue to confide in the Lord, my God, though I may disgrace the saints.

So I'll just kept going, watch me keep treading.

I am no longer dreading the going on.

Fondest Memory

I felt the heat and summer longing as we entangled our bodies upon the damp grass.
When you first kissed me softly and told me I was beautiful, I found myself wishing we could somehow last.
Your whispered words made me feel things I should be ashamed to feel.
But you were there, we were present, it all felt too real.

As mosquitos broke my skin and took samples of my blood, you held me close and took samples of my heart.
And in return I gathered pieces of yours, these pieces I will cherish,  and with these pieces I will never part.
I have given away many pieces before to demons and kin and allies and lovers.
Yet somehow you are different, a cut above the others.  

From picking and devouring fresh summer mulberries, to kissing underneath a sky of burning rocks.
From walking six miles to sneak into a hotel room, to slipping into bed and fixing all the locks.
From hiding in a stairwell which led to absolutely nowhere, to cuddling on the floor in our favorite empty classroom.
To finally becoming one, concealed by the trees and enticed by the moon, while I consciously and carefully prepared my own tomb.

We tasted forbidden juices and found ways to bend all the rules.
We forgot about the future and flitted along like blithe and airy fools.
When our fingers would touch and mold together, my spirit felt still and unusually settled.
Yet when your lips pressed roughly against mine, our lust and passion raged and wrestled.  

Perhaps you employed the murmuring dragonflies to amorously seduce me.
Perhaps you used the encompassing night to impede my logic and ability to see.
Whatever the enchantments or ploys you chose to utilize
You found a way to dissolve my habitual deceit and guise.  

I am yearning for completion and you seem to be the piece I most desperately need.
Yet we both know it would be preposterous to try and nourish this seed.
You made me feel real again, something I believed impossible to do.
And I wish more than anything I made you feel something too.
You have shown me that I am worth more than my vice.
I promise you that you are far more than "just nice".  

Please don't leave, I don't want you to go.
You have managed to scoop me up from below.
We met at exactly the right and wrong time.
I need you to stay, I don't know if I'll be fine.  

Yet as time moves forward we will be left behind.
You must move forward, do not try to be kind.
I can't understand how a fleeitng summer romance could mean so much.
But I must find the will to kiss you goodbye and loosen my clutch.  

Perhaps our souls will meet again, in this life or the next.
Life has a way of gently guiding us through, leaving each player perpetually perplexed.  

Whatever will be, will be and as of now we cannot be.
But still, my summer love, 

You are and always will be my fondest memory.