Let me speak.

But now it's just another show. You leave 'em laughing when you go
and if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

A Sinister Voice

She is with me each and every moment

She leaves my will to live completely dormant.

She is not easily driven away.

She is here, and forever will she stay.

She whispers commands into my ear.

She has captured and holds firmly all my fears.

She is slowly crushing me in her brawny grip.

She will not be finished until my sanity is entirely striped.

She leaves me in tatters every night.

She knows I am far too weak to fight.

So I obediently follow her will.

I swallow the pain and endure the chills.

I collapse in a bed of tears when no one is around.

Sometimes, I wish I will one day be found.

To God, I pray that he will take me now.

That my death he will allow.

But for now I roam and wander alone.

Perhaps someday my light will be shone.

Please, take me now.

I don't want to be here anymore.

Problem

Fear.

Uncontrollable fear.

Sometimes the ignorance of "friends" astound me.

"He jests at scars that never felt a wound."

I am going to wake up tomorrow and regret all this shit.

Forgotten Words

In your mind it all made sense.

Within your heart, you knew it all.

You left me hanging on a fence.

You thought letting me go would stop the fall.

You made up your mind about how I felt.

Then did what you thought would help.

Left alone, my hopes did melt.

And those melted hopes silenced my yelps.

You drove me crazy wondering why.

I became utterly lost in this unending maze.

I now feel ashamed of all the tears I cried.

I am trapped in this rejected daze.

And still, I hold no blame on you.

I know you didn't mean to hurt me this way.

You did what you thought you had to do.

There are so many words we need to say.

I wish I had the courage to come straight to you.

This silence has such a heavy cost.

Perhaps I am silly for writing this poem full of hidden clues.

But when the time comes around my words are lost.

Turn It Off, It Must Be On Repeat

The same monotonous rhythmic thuds of the bus.

The same shrill laughs and screams fill the hallways.

The same ring of my phone announcing a message from the wrong person.

The same infinite battle inside of the place I call home.

The same hum of sadness buzzing in my ear.

The same salty tears pouring from my eyes.

The same plastered grins fooling most the others.

The same whispering voices that nobody seems to hear.

The same dreary tune and movie replaying in my head.

Hit me already, I'd rather be dead.

A Toast To Your Ghost.

I poured myself a glass of red wine.

To pass the loneliness of time.

The crimson liquid poured smoothly into the crystal glass.

The bitter sweet flavor touched my tongue and reminded me of the past.

As memories engulfed my mind and soul I was sent back in a flash.

Familiar faces and painful times burned, then turned to ash.

As sudden as the time travel began it swiftly came to a halt.

Once my mind was back in reality, those memories I sealed in a vault.

I returned to my glass of ruby red wide and peered into the night.

Then I asked myself a simple question, "Is it worth the fight?"

I took my final sip of wine, but thought of something new.

Tonight I drank for me, for her, for him, but especially for you.

Lets Be Blunt and Forward For Once

I'm so fucking sick of stuffing food down my throat like uncontrollable little monster.

I need to get a grip.