Game Over

Every fiber of my being hopes it's not true.

Everything makes me feel guilty. My mind is altered, twisted. Nothing is right, everything is wrong. I am wrong. I am growing so weak, but I don't care. I really don't care.

I just want it all to stop.

It stings

Please stop fighting.

Please stop blaming each other.

I'll make it better, I promise.

My stomach is killing me.

At A Stand Still

I'm peering into the little glass television watching my life go before my eyes. From one to four to seven to thirteen each year races over the screen. I cringe, I smile, I laugh, I cry, I scream, but most of all I judge. I judge how I look, how I dressed, how I act, how I smile, every single aspect of myself I judge. I bring up the remote to pause my life. As I press "pause" suddenly the image of myself at this very moment comes over the screen, the little television has become a mirror.

Nella Fantasia, In My Fantasy

I have fallen into another dream, a fabricated reality of the way I wish things could be or what I fear they will become.

I want to melt into your tan, checkered, too soft couch.

I want your pointless words to stop drowning out my thoughts.

I want to scream, but my lips are glued shut.

I want you to stop trying to sew me back together.

I don't want your help.

Things have become routine, others may wince but everything is normal to me. Which leaves me pondering this one question: What is normal? If this is normal to me, but not to you what is normal to you and not to me? Is anything normal anymore? Is there such thing as normal?

To be honest, I just want to get it all out.

Said the jester

You need to let me go.

Bid me farewell.

Just breathe.

Hold onto to the memories that we've had.

Smile upon the good and the bad.

Just breathe, just breathe.

I'm running away.

I'm floating away.

Please don't follow me, please stay.

Don't ever forget that I cared.

I am thankful for what you have shared.

Just breathe, just breathe.

I am doing this for your own good.

I've helped you as much as I could.

I am killing you, I know.

I am torturing you so you will grow.

Just breathe, just breathe.

Take what I have given you and finally fall asleep.

Start filling that hole which is so deep.

You'll never be anything more to me

Then an unfinished project so,

Just breathe.

I don't want to pray. Don't you understand? I don't want to pray. I don't want to fall over in worship. I don't want to go, I don't want to do it. Not now, I can't right now. I'm not avoiding you, I'm avoiding what you try to force upon me. I just can't right now. Let me be. Let me be alone for now.

"That's all it will ever be. It just wasn't meant to be, and it sucks." Your words ring true, but all I want to do is set them on fire and watch them blow away.

I would like to be numb now.

Please pass the bottle.

Her shadow is cast over me.

Thanks for acknowledging that I am alive.

You may go back to sleep now.

Our ghosts will chat later.