I can say no.

And no I don't "need" you.

Underwater

The world is fuzzy all around me.

Their faces are mere blurs.

My memories are fading.

I'm melting, dissolving, disappearing.

Basically

I find it strange how one person can look at you as an awful and cruel being while another sees you as their savior. While one person looks up to you and thinks you are wise someone else could consider you young and naive. I suppose both sides are right and wrong for so much makes up each and every human being and relationship. Never consider or label a person as one thing. Never think you know all there is to know about someone. Never give up on anyone you care or once cared about. We are all worth so much more then that.

As I stare into the black everything suddenly becomes so clear.

My vision then begins to wave, icy wind penetrates my skin.

Emotions flow over me like a mad hurricane; joy, despair, horror, giddiness, disappointment fills my heart concurrently.

Panic resides deep inside of me.

The heavy rushing emotions become too much for me to endure.

I slowly rest my head and body upon the cold wet ground, the world spins.

Everything seems so distant and unreal.

Perhaps I am dreaming, this may be just a mystical fantasy.

Life bursts, feelings of ecstasy pulse through my veins.

I throw my head back and let out a sharp and continuous giggle.

Everything is intensified.

Not only pleasure, but pain as well.

As my mind twists and turns attempting to fathom the incredible sensations I struggle to breath.

I am so warm.

Drowsiness overpowers me and I drift into sleep.

The pain is gone for the moment.

But once I wake reality slaps me across the face.

"You can't escape me."

Put away your hidden fangs.
I am letting go.

I thought I passed it, I thought I missed it.

I began to weep, I don't want to leave it, I don't want to loose it.

As my tears fell from my eyes and dropped salty on my tongue I peered over the car window again.

And there it was standing right where it was only a short time ago.

I suppose I'm silly, I suppose I'm dramatic, I suppose I'm nostalgic.

Yet seeing that small rundown building made me realize that no matter how much I have lost and will loose I will never loose everything.

For some things one can never take away.

A Crack in the Mirror

There was a person staring at me from across the room. Her face was distorted and her wavy hair a mess. Her eyes looked sorrowful and blood shot yet the corners of her mouth turned up into a devilish grin. I could tell she had quite a twisted nature and was trying to tell me something. A secret perhaps or maybe just an important statement. I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me. She began to itch her pale skin as she did so pinkish welts rose. Frustrated tears welled up in her eyes and ran smoothy down her burning cheeks. She began to move toward me slowly and steadily. Once I saw her more closely I noticed her significantly swollen knuckles and jaw. As she drew nearer to me her calamitous smile faded and detestation filled her eyes. She slowly leaned in and whispered her message in my ear. "I despise ... you."

And than I realized this strange person was me.

You are rotting as we speak

Sometimes I reminisce and smile upon the times we used to have. From swinging on the hammock pretending we were siblings, to whispering secrets and giggling excessively, to kissing on my bed hoping my mom wouldn't walk in, to sneaking on my roof and singing songs on the top of our lungs. But then I remember all the daggers you impelled at me and the warm joyous memories turn to fungus and dirt. The uncontrollable and constant lying, the frequent mood swings, the countless times you would watch me die and laugh. I don't really know why I put up with you for nine long years. I guess in a way I'm glad it's over, although at times I miss your cheerful laugh ringing in my ear. Things have changed so much and I guess for the better.

No, I know for the better.

On love

When you look through your own pair of eyeglasses no matter how begrimed or broken they may be you see more. You see beauty vividly, you see good in all people, you see sadness in the hearts of others, you see hate like a black stain on a person's soul, but most importantly you see love. You are able to recognize love where others do not. You are able to see how delicate and stunning it truly is. You are able to feel when others are in love and you can feel it too. It's a radiant heat. Love is passion, passion burns. Why do you think one blushes when confronted with love? It doesn't matter if you have experienced it first hand you will be able to see it when you do. True love has no limits and no rules. Society can not say what love is because love is higher then society, love is higher then all of us. I guess the Beatles had it right after all.

I'm about to press the "Fuck It" button.

I am no longer living for any of you.

I am going to do whatever the hell I want.

You are welcome to watch bitches.

This is the story of a sad young girl.

Who feels old and out of place in this world.

She sees people as more and feels what they feel.

Sometimes she wonders if she is even real.

She cries quite often locked in her room.

She rarely blames others, she doesn't have the courage to fume.

She keeps her genuine feelings bottled up inside.

She is afraid of who she is so her true self she hides.

No one really knows her, she feels quite alone.

She is often betrayed by others or merely "thrown a bone".

She doesn't know how to handle the pain she feels inside.

So she resorts to other things in which she rarely confides.

Music is the only thing that keeps her from dying.

Music is the only thing in which she doesn't take to lying.

She breathes the music and feels the music like nothing else.

The music sees and accepts her like no else.

Just a game of chutes and ladders

I saw it coming. I saw it all coming.

I knew what was going to happen before it happened.

I could of written the ending to this novel without writing the beginning.

I figured it out, every step of it, every fucking step.

I have played the game before, I could of beaten you if I tried.

This is no surprise at all, it's so goddamned predictable that it makes me want to scream.

But even though I knew all along it pierces me just the same.